TINO: My name is Tino Delamerced. You’re listening to Firsts, a podcast about first-time medical experiences. And today… I am here with my younger brother Joseph Delamerced.
JOSEPH: Hey, everyone!
TINO: Joseph is a senior at Brown. He’s planning on going to med school. And Joe, for this episode, I have a story to share with you.
JOSEPH: Sounds good.
TINO: But before we get started, you’ve been in a relationship with another pre-med – like, another college student studying to be a doctor, right?
JOSEPH: Yeah, we’ve been dating since freshman year.
TINO: Okay, so I think you’d be a good person to hear this story because it’s about a pair of pre-medical students.
JOSEPH: Cool.
TINO: So here we go.
GRETA: My name is Greta.
TEDDY: And I’m Teddy.
TINO: And I’ll just be honest – this story is a bit of a roller coaster.
(music)
TINO: It’s a tale of two pre-meds, who loved to sing and play instruments and watch concerts and musicals. They actually met backstage on the third day of college at an audition for a talent show for first-year students at Harvard. The girl’s name is Greta. The boy’s name is Teddy. And before Greta went onstage to sing her audition, she met Teddy.
(music: guitar chords to Ron Pope’s “A Drop in the Ocean”)
GRETA: And he just happened to be the person in front of me. And I remember him playing the guitar…
TEDDY: It’s so angsty. I sang “A Drop in the Ocean” by Ron Pope.
GRETA: And then we just started talking, and then, we both auditioned, and then, a few days afterwards, after the talent show, we saw each other crossing in the Science Center.
TEDDY: The place I remember is that we met in the Science Center. We were walking, and we passed each other, and I realized – we just start talking about the talent show. So that means we must have met beforehand, but I don't remember that specific episode. And it's also funny to me, because I, you know, I didn't own a guitar at that point.
GRETA: I realized he didn’t make it in the talent show. And he realized I didn't make it in the talent show. And we kind of bonded over that. And then we kind of became friends after that.
TINO: So Greta and Teddy actually bumped into each other again – this time, at a school dance.
JOSEPH: Was that just for freshmen?
TINO: Yeah, it was just for first years at Harvard. And, you know, they took a lot of the same premed science classes. Eventually they were in the same friend group; they were hanging out every day; and they became, like, best friends. You can take a guess as to where this is going.
JOSEPH: I hope I can…
[music: “If I Ain’t Got You” – Alicia Keys (Cover by the Harvard Veritones)]
TEDDY: The interesting part is that there was never, never really like a thought in my mind that I was like, “Oh, this is going to be something more.” It was always like,” Greta is one of my best friends. She's basically like, like a sibling to me.” And then, and everyone was always, like, “When are you guys gonna start dating?”
(music: “But some people want it all, but I’ve got nothing at all…”)
TEDDY: When it happened, Greta was in a musical. And, you know, my college roommates and I – we had gone to see her, and one of them was saying, “Greta looks really cute.” And it really bothered me, and I didn't know why it bothered me. And I was like, “Why – did I find it was kind of mean, or was it rude?” And then I realized like, “Oh, no, does this mean I like her?” I was like, not really sure. And that night I was walking her back to the shuttle or something like that. And I don't really know what came over me. But I kind of reached – made an effort to hold her hand while walking. And she just, like, takes a step back. She's like, “What are you doing?” And I'm like, “Well, that's it. I've ruined this one, haven't I, this one – that's over now.”
GRETA: I mean, it was jolting, but within 24 hours, I was like, “Yeah, I think I do like you. I can tolerate him.”
(music: “Some people need three dozen roses”)
TEDDY: So like, we'd already been, like close friends for a year and a half. And we'd even gone to Disneyland together as friends. So it was very compatible.
(music: “If I ain’t got you”)
TINO: That is the end of the story.
JOSEPH: No, it’s not.
TINO: (laughs) I’m kidding. It gets complicated. So first they’re best friends. Then they’re dating. And they date for like a year. And, (sigh)…
JOSEPH: And then???
TINO: Well, well, I guess when it’s a relationship like that, where you’re dating your best friend – the fallout is always so much harder because you’re losing not just your romantic partner but also your closest friend.
JOSEPH: Oh, no. That’s tough. That’s tough.
GRETA: So we dated for about a year. And then we broke up. And it was, it was pretty tumultuous. It was, yeah, we just – leading up to the breakup, the months before we just kind of would fight all the time from like miscommunication. And, you know, you saw this, like, beautiful friendship that blossomed over a year and a half. And then, you know, once we started dating, it was awesome and fun. And then it just kind of started crumbling. And we started fighting all the time. And so by the end of the junior year, we decided we needed to break up. And we needed to, like, stop talking to each other, and kind of give each other space and not even try to be friends or anything – just stop talking. And we had to choose different – well, he had to like go with his friend group. And then I had to kind of form my own friend group and completely kind of like separate my life from him. And I would avoid his dorm, which was weird because I used to go there all the time. I would avoid crossing paths with him. Yeah, it was a really, really hard breakup. It was my first breakup. And he was my first boyfriend. So it was many firsts. And it was pretty miserable. It was not fun. (music: “Four Count” – Reflections) It wasn’t fun. It was hard.
TEDDY: Like, I think the big aspect that was missing was just like, we were still very young, right? We were just 19 and 20 in college. And, you know, in college, there's such an important time of growth. And it's sometimes challenging to have a relationship with someone when you are still finding out who you are, and kind of what's important to you. And we needed some time to grow up, and I think the big lesson was – it was that timing matters.
(music continues)
JOSEPH: What does he mean when he says that, “Timing matters”?
TINO: Yeah, good question. I think he’s saying that maybe if they met as more mature adults, maybe they would still be together. I think that’s kind of the sense – that if they had already had some time to grow up, maybe things would’ve worked out.
JOSEPH: Yeah, I mean, sure, they met when they were young, but that’s too bad that they broke up.
TINO: Right – it’s surprising, especially because it seemed like such a good match: they were 2 Harvard premeds, best of friends, who loved music. It was perfect.
JOSEPH: I mean, was it? There’s gotta be more to this story, right?
TINO: Definitely, but – lemme explain: basically they break up. And they finish college at Harvard, and they avoid one another as best as they can. After college, neither goes to med school right away. Greta actually does neurology research in the Philippines. And Teddy was also doing neurology research, except he was in Boston, MA.
So for 2 years, they were literally on opposite sides of the world. When it was morning in Massachusetts, it was night in the Philippines. It was pretty much (sound effect: morse static) radio silence between them…
(music continues)
JOSEPH: I feel like you’re going to say “until.”
TINO: (laughs) …until Greta is about to start her first day of med school at Brown in Rhode Island, which is right by Massachusetts. So, before she starts, she decides to go up to Cambridge to see some of her friends from her Christian community. They were basically hanging out at someone’s apartment after church. So she goes and – guess what – she bumps into Teddy.
JOSEPH: Is that a good thing?
GRETA: We overlapped like one Sunday. And his mom was there. And I remember, you know, I said hello. And we said hello to each other. And then he was moving. And he was – his mom was giving out away his old like plastic containers and some kitchen supplies. And so she just – she offered them to me, and I never say no to free things. And so I took them, and I used them.
TEDDY: You know what else is kind of unique about that is that was my last day that I was going to be there before moving back to California for medical school.
(music: “Taoudella” – Azalai)
TEDDY: After the church meeting, I remember something came over me where I was like, man, I feel like we've never gotten closure from this breakup. And, you know, such close friends, like, suddenly ending – like, we never got closure. And I remember asking, “Do you mind if we go for a quick walk through the square?” – or, no, sorry, “through Harvard Yard.” Just so we could like wrap this up. And I could tell that Greta didn't really want to. But… she said yes.
(music continues)
JOSEPH: I can’t believe she said yes.
TINO: Why not?
JOSEPH: Well, it’s been so long since they had talked, and I just feel like it’s weird, and I really wouldn’t do that.
TINO: That’s fair. I think both needed some sort of closure, though, so I can see why it happened.
JOSEPH: Yeah, that makes sense.
TINO: They want to be able to try to move on because the next chapter of their lives – med school – is about happen. So Teddy is moving to the west coast to start med school in San Francisco. And Greta is moving to the east coast to start med school at Brown.
JOSEPH: So now they’re on opposite sides of the country.
TINO: Exactly. Before they were on opposite sides of the world. Now they’re on opposite coasts. But they are on, what I would consider, the same timeline.
JOSEPH: “The same timeline” – what do you mean by that?
TINO: So they’re leading sort of parallel lives, parallel trajectories as they both start med school at the same time. They’re learning about the heart and lungs around the same time, or studying for a big standardized test called Step 1, which they took within days of each other but on opposite coasts, and they even had certain clinical rotations like surgery or obstetrics-gynecology around the same time, so what ends up happening very naturally is that they start checking in with each other about how they’re getting through med school.
GRETA: Yeah. I don't know what initiated that. I think we had some mutual friends. And I'm not sure if that, kind of, you know, started, you know, these little texts here and there, like, you know, “How's it going?” and stuff. But we had, you know, short kinds of text conversations, and that was it starting like the second year of medical school.
TEDDY: Like we were both actually starting ob-gyn together at the same time, and…
GRETA: Yeah, I don't know why – how that lined up.
TEDDY: Oh, we were also like talking about studying strategies.
TINO: Like which flashcards to use or which books to buy.
TEDDY: But this was only over text.
TINO: It wasn’t long before the check-ins over texts turned into something more.
TEDDY: And Greta sent me a photo because she was hanging out with my college roommates, who are also med students at Brown. So she was just sending me a photo and saying, like, “Guess who I'm with!” And it was kind of nice to see them together. And I really don't know what came over me. But there was like this urge to call her on the phone, and I just called her, like, I was driving back and just called her on the phone. And we ended up talking for like 45 minutes or an hour or something like that. And it was like no time had passed. Like, it was just as easy as it had been when we were like best friends in college. And it was like a very weird feeling. And I remember her saying, “I'm going to need a little bit of time to process this. So maybe we could take a break from talking right now.” And that was the first time we had talked in years on the phone. And after I hung up the phone, I got home, and I found my mom, and I said, “I’m gonna marry Greta.” And my mom said, “Good.”
GRETA: I did not have that epiphany. I had to reason and talk to my mom, talk to my friends, talk to friends that knew Teddy from the past, talk with friends that didn't know Teddy at all. I was still very confused and troubled. (laughs)
JOSEPH: I’m kind of with Greta here.
TINO: What do you mean?
JOSEPH: I appreciate her careful approach.
TINO: Go on.
JOSEPH: Right now, they’re on opposite coasts. And it’s only been a few conversations over the phone. I would need some time to process it.
TINO: So I agree with you. Greta actually grinds things to a halt, and she tells Teddy that she wants this 2-week hiatus to consult other people in her life about Teddy and think for herself what she wants to happen.
JOSEPH: I think that’s good for both of them.
TINO: Me too. So they start their 2-week break, and, Joe, this next part – this is when the story reaches a sort of climax.
TEDDY: There were things I saw as a medical student that I want to remember. (music: “Ranch Hand” – Truck Stop) Many experiences, many feelings, many lessons. And in some cases, there are the things I cannot forget. I will always remember the 12-year-old boy we lost in the trauma bay.
He had been playing football with his brothers and had climbed over the fence to retrieve a ball that had gone over. No one noticed when he didn’t climb back. When they found him, he had been down and apneic for maybe 10 to 20 minutes, lying next to an exposed electrical wire. He had been electrocuted doing what many of us did as children – climbing a fence to get a ball back.
(continue music)
TINO: So Teddy and Greta are taking this break to reevaluate things. And literally the next night, Teddy is working in the trauma unit – that’s where folks with possibly life-threatening wounds end up. And this poor 12-year-old kid is brought in; he had been electrocuted by electrical wire; and he hadn’t been breathing. So the trauma team does the best that they can, but he passes away.
TEDDY: And that was the first time I had seen a kid that was so sick. And it's not something that I think you can even prepare for. And I had been in the trauma bay before and had seen, like, adults come in with these horrible injuries. And that's already hard enough, but it was a kid. And it was a freak accident. And I will still remember what it was like trying to talk to that patient's family, that patient's mom. It was so different. It was very surreal in the trauma bay, because usually it's like bustling, and it's really busy. And people are talking and yelling. But this was the first time I ever heard it that quiet because everyone realized that it was a 12-year-old kid. And when things like that happen, I think everyone – it stops everyone in their tracks, you know? Because that's something you'd never want to have to see.
GRETA: Literally the day before I said, “Hey, let's take a break at least two weeks without talking to each other.” And then he had that experience. So then he wrote me a day later and said, “Hey, you don't have to respond. But I just really needed to share this with you.” And he starts describing all the events from that very memorable day. And then, of course, I responded to him. So our hiatus of talking, though I had intended for it to be longer, it was only a day or two.
TEDDY: I wrote Greta, because I knew she would at least understand what that experience must – what that experience felt like, and I knew she would be able to relate. And there was no one else that I wanted to tell the story to at that time. It was just her, and I was like, “I want to tell you about how my day went.”
(music: “A Pleasant Strike” – Warmbody)
TINO: So, if you’re in medicine, I think one of the advantages to dating someone else in medicine is that you more easily can tell them about your day. A partner not in healthcare can definitely still understand what you’re going through. But if you lose a patient or maybe you’re working 70-80 hours a week as a doctor-in-training, it can take a bit more work to explain what you’re going through.
TEDDY: I would have had to explain more of the intricacies, right, of what happened, and all these technical things, but she spoke that language already. She had gone through the training in the beginning of medical school for the first two years, so she knew at least the textbook knowledge that was important in order to fully grasp the degree of heartbreak that was in this story.
GRETA: Yeah, so I read through the email. And then he talked about that experience. He talked about how it kind of reminded him of his grandma, who was also a very dear person in his heart and in his childhood, and, you know, then I couldn't not respond to that.
TEDDY: I wasn't expecting anything. I really wasn't. I mean, I just wanted her to know what I was thinking, and that in this painful experience – that the person that I thought about was her, that the person that I wanted to share that with was Greta. Also, because, we share the same faith. And that's the main part of our support system, and what we really lean on. And I knew she also had that, so I knew that she would pray for me in that challenging time.
(music continues)
JOSEPH: So do they get back together after that, or…?
TINO: What do you think happens?
JOSEPH: So I’m actually really glad that they have been friends for so long, that Teddy feels it’s really natural and really easy for him to reach out to someone he trusts and someone that does understand the vocabulary of this whole experience – someone he can really share and be really vulnerable with, and Greta can receive that and know what he’s going through and understands that experience. Do they get back together? I think they’d still be a good match for each other. They’re very compatible. But at the same time I could see a very strong relationship, a strong friendship that could last a lifetime together as well.
TINO: I think you’re pretty much spot on there – that the cores of who these people were didn’t change.
JOSEPH: Right, right.
TINO: So to answer your question, Teddy’s need to process that experience in the trauma bay kind of helps jumpstart their relationship. They email back and forth a few more times; they start talking more and more; and eventually they decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend again.
JOSEPH: That’s really incredible. That actually makes me really happy to hear that they got back together.
TINO: Yeah. I mean, if you look at the 10,000-foot view of this story, it really is incredible. First of all, they meet when they are too young, you know, to make a lifelong commitment. So they break up. And then their medical research takes them to opposite ends of the earth. Then, medical school takes them to opposite sides of the country. But despite their earlier breakup, and despite all that distance between them, their experiences during medical school bring them back together.
(music ends)
TINO: So Joe, how many doctors do you think marry other people in healthcare – over or under 50%?
JOSEPH: I would say based on this story, over 50%.
TINO: So you’re kind of right. According to a Medscape survey of more than 15,000 physicians, 51% of male-identifying doctors married someone else who works in healthcare – that includes doctors, nurses, physician assistants. On the other hand, 36% of women who are doctors married another healthcare professional.
JOSEPH: So most doctors don’t marry another doctor?
TINO: Yeah, that’s correct.
JOSEPH: So what about Teddy and Greta – do they get married, or…?
TINO: So they start visiting each other almost every month. Greta does a rotation away in the Bay area, and Teddy visits her in Providence a lot. And things go so well that they decide that they will be making a lifelong commitment to each other.
JOSEPH: That’s great!
TINO: Yeah, it is. But to be in the same place for residency, which is one of the last parts of formal medical training, Teddy and Greta decide to “couples match.”
(music Pacific Time – Glass Obelisk)
JOSEPH: So what is “the match” in the first place?
TINO: So all med students match for residency by ranking which programs they want to go to the most, and residency programs rank which applicants they want the most, and an algorithm matches students to residencies.
JOSEPH: Sounds complicated.
TINO: And it’s a little more complicated for couples. (music) You can choose to enter the match with your partner if they’re also in med school. Couples usually have to apply to more programs to match. And it’s even more complicated for Greta and Teddy because Greta is applying into child neurology, which doesn’t have many programs. And they also want to end up in a specific place – the Bay Area, which only has a couple programs. Some people don’t match at all, which means they basically have to try again and reenter the match next year. So the final obstacle that stands between Greta and Teddy spending the next several years together is the match.
TEDDY: I think the most important thing for us, like, we wanted to be together, too. We had a place we’d love to be, but ultimately, so long as we were together, that was the most important part. At that point in my life, I think the priorities started to shift, right? It started to be very much, like, as long as I'm with this person, no matter where I go, then I think that that's the most important part in my life. You know, of course, everyone wants to try to go places that they really want to go to and have good training – has a good name. It was a sign that priorities were starting to shift in life – that I wanted to be together with this woman.
GRETA: I was applying to child neurology, so it wasn't a ton of programs. You know, it's a very, like, specialized niche field. So, not as many programs as general pediatrics, so I feel like my own list kind of narrowed down where he applied because of my own narrow list.
(music: First Results – Glass Obelisk)
TINO: So Match Day finally rolls around.
JOSEPH: I’m getting really invested in this story. This is nerve-racking.
TINO: Everyone does. So all the residency hopefuls gets envelopes of where they are going to end up for residency. And they all are supposed to open those envelopes at the same time. So that time is 12 noon on the east coast and 9 am on the west coast. Before they learned where they would end up for the next few years, Greta, Teddy, and residency hopefuls around the world counted down from 10.
(VOICE: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1)
(silence)
GRETA: I was very happy.
TEDDY: We were both so happy. I was very happy because it meant that I would be able to stay at this place had influenced of why I wanted to be in internal medicine and why I wanted to do hospital medicine. All those years that you’ve put in – like looking back to when we were first applying to med school or even when we were taking college pre-med classes together – this was like a huge next step that we had finally been able to accomplish together, and I think that was very, very meaningful.
GRETA: You know, multiple things had to line up, and it felt like it just fit. It felt like a key in a lock – it just felt like everything aligned, and the door opened, and it was a good feeling.
TEDDY: Like you look back at all the people that have helped us on the way, and had been good mentors and teachers – it was like an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.
TINO: On Friday, March 15, 2019, Greta in Providence and Teddy in San Francisco opened their envelopes to find that they matched together to programs in San Francisco: Greta for child neurology, and Teddy for internal medicine.
TINO: 2 and a half months later, on June 1st, they got married.
(music: “I Want You Back” cover by Teddy, Greta, and friends)
TINO: So if you remember, Teddy and Greta’s story started backstage at an audition for a talent show. Both were hopeful to sing, but neither was given the chance to perform. While they didn’t get to play at the Harvard freshman talent show, their voices and instruments finally came together for the final act of this story: their wedding.
(music: “When I had you to myself, I didn’t want you around…”)
TEDDY: The best advice we got is to make it your own. You can do the things that are the most important to you at your wedding, and for us, it was, like, showing our faith, but also, like, music was very important to us, and Greta got to sing,…
GRETA: We definitely had our own mini-concert at our wedding. We sang a duet …
(music: “Won’t you please let me back in your heart?...”)
GRETA: And then Teddy played 2 quartet pieces, and then I sang one song with Teddy on percussion…
(music: “Dear Theodosia,” cover of “Dear Theodore”)
GRETA: …and then I actually surprised him with my own version of, “Dear Theodore.” And I changed the lyrics from “Dear Theodosia” from Hamilton… It was like, (singing) “Dear Theodore, what to say to you?”
(music: “Dear Theodore, what to say to you? You have your jokes and music in your ears…”)
GRETA: We had a total 6 songs that we performed ourselves at our own wedding.
TEDDY: You know, I think when people leave, they may not remember the color of the table cloth, but they remember the feeling that they had at your wedding.
(music: “Living without family was never quite my style…”)
(music: Teddy playing cello)
TEDDY: When we met together in med school, everything just fell into place. Like the rotations fit in a way where we could see each other every month. Our families also felt that peace about it. We were able to get the same step score. We were able to interview at similar places.
GRETA: I honestly have a hard time finding a downside of things. I’ve been told by other coresidents that it’s nice to have someone outside of medicine to give you a new perspective and to kind of keep your mind open to other things happening in the world, but I’m pretty happy with our little bubble that we’ve created.
TEDDY: This relationship – this coming together – it was one of the most easy things I have ever done.
GRETA: For me, it’s really, really nice to come home and to talk about the little, tiny details of your day and know that the other person you’re talking to understands.
(applause)
TINO: Med school kept Teddy and Greta physically apart. But their need to process difficult experiences during medical training helped bring them and their voices into harmony.
JOSEPH: And they lived happily ever after.
TINO and JOSEPH: The end.
(beat, then music: “Kid Kodi” – Skittle)
TINO: That was First Match: A Love Story. To see how Teddy proposed to Greta, check out @FirstsPod on Instagram or Facebook. Thank you so much to Theo Peng and Greta Solinap-Peng for their interviews for this episode, and for contributing all their musical performances from their wedding. Thank you to my guest-cohost Joseph Delamerced. And thank you to Anna Delamerced for playing the guitar chords to “A Drop in the Ocean” by Ron Pope. Other music in this episode is from Blue Dot Sessions. My name is Tino Delamerced. You’ve been listening to Firsts.